One step forward, two steps back…

Schloss Ort in  Gmunden, Austria | 2006
Schloss Ort in Gmunden, Austria | 2006

 

  If you’ve been following my posts you may noticed that i was totally absent for a month. Not only i didn’t post anything, i barely logged-in on WordPress.com. I could make excuses, i could even say nothing at all and pretend that everything is ok but this is a matter that really annoys me and i think it’s time to address it once and for all.

  The truth is that for a whole month i just wasted time. I was absent even from my own life. I did nothing creative, i played videogames the whole day, i didn’t want to answer or talk to anyone. Why? Not because it’s something i like to do, on the contrary, i hate that behavior. I don’t have time to waste. I have so many ideas, so many projects to do,  so many things to say, so many things to offer, so much life to live…

   My problem, is that i’m trapped in a place that not only doesn’t offer anything to me, it only takes away the little i might have left. After 7 years of living alone in the city (Thessaloniki) and pursuing my dream to work as a photographer i had to return to my parents house, in a remote village of 500 people. At first i tried to look at it positively, a break away from the stressful life of the city, i could relax and work on my personal projects since i would have no work here, i started this blog and concentrated more on my online presence. I didn’t really have a job in the city either, for the last 2 years every day was a struggle to pay the rent, pay the ever-rising bills. I won’t go into a pity mode and talk about the economic crisis etc…In a few words, i can’t find a job (any job), even if i do find a job, the money would never be enough to go back to the city and that is, if i even get paid.

  The solution? If you can’t break through the wall, fly over it. So after a full month of depression i came to a realization, that there’s no reason to stay here and fight a war that will yield no result whatsoever. I’ve been doing that with all my strength for the past 3 years. I tried to stay positive, believe that somehow i could make it. I now realize that even if i did make it, that would never be enough considering the current situation of the country. I feel like i wasted enough time already. I yearn to be in a creative environment, to have people in my life with aspiration, passion for what they do. Young people with a flame in their hearts, not zombies that sit back and watch while their country is falling apart, who work and don’t get paid for months and don’t do anything about it  and the only thing they care about is to go out and have their coffee using their parents money. Who’s to blame for our situation when we do nothing at all? I cannot stand this “theatre of the absurd” anymore.

  I need to create, to work, to offer my services, i need to feel alive. The few people i have met that were different, that were on the same wavelength as me, they decided to leave this country or are from abroad anyway. So that’s what i’m going to do too. I need to find my place in this planet and it’s certainly not here, not at this time at least. It’s a beautiful country and if things were better i would not consider to leave, i’d build my base here and travel the world. But the reality of the situation is a lot worse than most people care to admit and i need to do something about my future. For those who don’t know i’m half Austrian. So my plan is to gather some money somehow and buy a ticket to go to Austria, that’s why i chose to put this specific photo on the beginning of my post,  2006 was my last visit there. Hopefully i can do that in the first months of 2014 and get a chance to start my life there. I’m really excited on the prospect and will focus on making it happen anyway that i can.

  Closing this huge post, i just want to thank you all for the support you have given me. All the feedback i have received on my work is amazing. I’m still pretty new to this whole blogging world and have a lot to learn but i’m really enjoying this and i hope you do too 🙂 I’m really grateful for everything in my life and i consider myself to have been really lucky. I had some great opportunities appear out of the blue and picked me up everytime i was feeling down, i met lovely people that showed me how much they believe in me. So it’s time to take my life in my hands and do this…Keep your fingers crossed for me 😉

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Alex “V-Light”

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26 thoughts on “One step forward, two steps back…

    1. It’s hard to stay positive when no one around you actually has a job and in my family only my dad works, which is not enough. Things won’t change unless peoples attitude changes. I never really understood the Greek mentality, i guess i’m more Austrian in the way i think. I never felt like i fit in here anyway. So i really need to make this happen… 🙂

  1. Alex – good to hear you have a plan to effect a change for yourself – perhaps this dismal time will be the motivator not just for present, but for the future as well. You cannot know good times until you have had some bad – everything is relative. Though I only know you through a stream of 0’s and 1’s, I feel thatyou have the talent and drive to make things happen for yourself. Sure life will continue to throw some roadblocks in your path – continue to fly above them! Best to you – keep us up-to-date with your progress.

    1. Thank you Robert. I do not regret anything, even though i might feel like i wasted a lot of time already. I certainly have a more mature and focused outlook than i had 2 years ago and i realized how much i need to be able to create and be surrounded by creative people, which is something i totally lack here. Everyone is so miserable and it’s like they almost love it and don’t do anything to change it. I really need a change of scenery and i believe that going to Austria will help me. I have some relatives there so it’s the easiest option. I would like to go to the UK but i don’t have the money needed to make a new life there. One thing is for sure, when i do get to go to Austria i’ll be posting new photos everyday 😀

      1. Looking forward to seeing/hearing about your new adventure. I came from a VERY small farming town, so I know what you mean about complacency – in my town if you were not a farmer you were a drunk (or both) – each of those options did not appeal to me, so I left.

        1. Wow…yeah a drunk farmer/photographer doesn’t sound like a good combination in any way :p You know, on one hand i’m glad that i grew up in a small place, that’s why i have such a strong connection to nature and appreciate it so much. My mom raised me in a different way than the traditional Greek kids, that’s why i never really felt like i fit in. I still don’t…so maybe i’m in the wrong place. All my friends are either half Greeks or from other countries…It’s a rare thing for me to get along with the “typical” Greek type. Of course there are exceptions…but i feel that being almost 29 and still feel like i don’t belong here is not a good thing…And at this age you don’t want to work and get paid nothing, i want to be able to build a good equipment, get a car, travel, be independent.

    1. Thank you so much Distan 🙂 I’m in a serious need to have an adventure in my life. You know at this point and after feeling so emotionally drained and exhausted i just need to make a big change. It won’t be easy but i feel that it’s the right thing to do.

      1. As they say; the heart knows what it wants to do. Sure it might be a bit tough for a time, but success will be all the sweeter for it. Searching for opportunities and experiences with your talents will be part of the fun I’m certain, Alex. Whilst the ‘holiday’ may of been interesting, moving to Austria could prove to be both inspiring and reinvigorating. Either way, at least you’ve decided and for many that’s half the battle. Go well!

        1. Exactly…It was in my mind for the last 3 years now but i could not make the decision. I don’t really have anything holding me back here, it’s only the power of habit. I don’t know if Austria is my place, i would like to try out living in the UK too…but for starters Austria would be the easiest transition, since i have many relatives and people i know there 🙂 If i can find a job and do well, maybe after some time i can come to the UK for a visit too and see how things are there too. Just the thought of having this freedom is really invigorating 🙂 Thank you again for your wishes!

  2. Dear Alex,
    That was a quite emotional post and I can understand you very good. It must be a terrible situation to want to start your own independant life and to be enchained in this way. I even feel a little bit guilty, because of the restrictions, which the EU – led by the german Government – had enacted to the greek. It’s not fair, that the young generation has to pay for the mistakes and the mismanagement of elder generations.
    I wish you all the best and admire your strength and your power to take your life in your own hands. I have no doubt that you will be successful!
    Kind regards from Stefan, Munich

    1. Thank you very much for your comment Stefan 🙂 There’s no need to feel even a bit guilty, of course everything that’s happening is really bad and maybe unfair to the people here. But it was bound to happen. There’s no organization in anything, no support for the people, no nothing. We only pay bills and taxes and we get nothing back. The school system is terrible, the health system is almost non existent, there’s no working insurance, the whole system is wrong…But all these things were bad even before the crisis, now they are just falling apart. A big part of the blame goes out to the young people too because they refuse to realize how bad things are and don’t take any action about it. They still live from their parents money, or the little that’s left of it…and think that’s ok. I know so many people over 30 that still live with their parents, don’t do anything, don’t work and feel content with this lifestyle. I am not…and i don’t like to end up one of them, that’s why it’s so important to take this step and live the life i want. As an artist i do wish to travel and gain new experiences, see new things…I can’t feel content with a life of misery. So i’m really looking forward to this and hope that soon enough i’ll be uploading photos of the beautiful Austrian landscapes 🙂 Thank you again for your interest and for reading my post. Have a nice day! 🙂

        1. My grandmother lives in Gmunden so i could stay there in the beginning and look around for a job. My 2 aunts also live close to that area. There’s a possibility that i could stay in Vienna for some time too. I’ll start by sending my resumes while i’m still here…and i won’t concentrate so much on the how and where i’m going to stay. I think that’s something that can be arranged when the time has come 🙂 I will make updates here for anything major…I don’t normally make such personal posts…but i think this will be a big turning point for me and i’d like to have this as a reminder for when i manage to get out of this situation. Thank you very much again, Stefan 🙂 Until next time!

  3. I’ve always said that Greece is a great country… for holidays. I, like you, felt my horizon being narrowed by the distance or the narrow-mindedness, and I didn’t have to live in a small village of 500 people, mind! It wasn’t easy-breezy at first but I have never regretted it, not in the 30 years I live in northern Europe! I wish you the very best on your new adventure and hope to stay in touch! Kali prosarmogi… ohi oti tha sou fanei dyskolo… i Austria einai yperohi!

    1. Se euxaristo poli Lia 🙂 Ι’m not afraid to make this change, i’ve been to Austria many times, since my mother is Austrian, so it won’t be a very big deal. I have relatives there so i can hopefully arrange and stay somewhere in the beginning so i won’t have to worry about living expenses. The important thing for me is to find a job and everything else will fall into place slowly 🙂 I just need to find some money for a ticket and something on the side and i can go 🙂

  4. Nearly 100 years ago now my mother left Ireland to go and work in England. She married, brought up a family and stayed for the rest of her life . Over the past two centuries millions of people in Europe have done the same and most prospered. Remember too that in making this decision you have already shown the courage, independence and determination that will make sure you do well. Like everyone else I too wish you every success .

    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! 🙂 I really appreciate that you took the time to read my post and share your empowering words with me. I will remember this if i ever feel weak or that i can’t make it. I hope you have a nice day!

      Kind regards,

      Alex “V-Light”

  5. Good luck Alex and hopefully you will find fulfillment where ever you end up. In the meantime stay positive. Life is filled with only a few truly grand moments, it is all about savoring and taking joy in the little things.

    1. Thank you very much Mark!!! 🙂 I really appreciate your input! It’s hard to stay positive when everyone around is so miserable but i’m always reminded somehow that i must keep going on. Little miracles happen all the time and even when things look bad, somehow they get better. I feel really blessed and lucky to have experienced many amazing and unexpected gifts 😀 Like you say “it is all about savoring and taking joy in the little things”!

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